How To Tell The Difference Between Love & Lust

There’s nothing wrong with wanting to rip your partner’s clothing off on a whim (it can definitely make for a sexy relationship), however, whether or not there is a deeper love will ascertain the commitment level. Understanding the difference between lust and love will help you better understand romantically involved you envision being to get the long run with your companion. And, what is more, it is going to provide you a great idea of how to feel towards your partner, seeing her or his flaws and how they effect you.

As a certified health coach , I work with individuals on feeling satisfied with their relationships, regardless of what that really stands for. Sometimes, individuals are just after lust, or rather a romantic (frequently mainly physical) relationship which is more short lived, hot, and obsessive. Think: You can’t keep your hands off each other when together. But , usually there’s less of a connection beyond the physical (you’re kind of dating the human body, rather than the individual inside it). As there’s understanding and an affection that there, a relationship built on love will have a more meaning. No matter what you searching for, the two could be quite fulfilling; only the long-term result will fluctuate. Here are 9 ways to tell the difference between love and lust in a relationship.

You Have Meaningful Conversation

According to Rabbi Shlomo Slatkin, a licensed clinical professional counselor and a Certified Imago Relationship Therapist, above email with Bustle, in case you’re finding a deeper level of communication, then there’s probably a love there. “When there is depth to the relationship, beyond merely physical attraction, that’s a great sign that there is love. You are able to have meaningful conversations, speak about your dreams for your own relationship, learn about each other’s interests and family background,” Rabbi Slatkin describes.


“If you end up romantically and sexually aroused by these, but have no interest in the mental and other non-sexual aspects of the relationship, then it probably is just lust,” says David Bennett, a certified advisor and dating pro to Bustle.

You’re Still Invested In Them Even With Bad Sex

If you’re suffering to have a sexual chemistry with your partner, or you don’t enjoy his or her style in bed, but you still wish to remain together for a ton of other reasons, it’s likely because you love them, says Bennett. helpful resources is a connection that is deeper than merely sexual appeal, and is emotional as well as intellectual, and continues even when you may be struggling to connect intimately with your partner,” says Bennett.


“Lust is typically compound, primal and firmly physical. It usually entails idealization and fantasy about the person,” states Stacy Kaiser, Live Happy Editor In Large and certified psychotherapist, to Bustle. “Love will be calmer and quieter. It takes more time to develop and feels much more like an emotional and mental bond than a chemical or physical one,” Kaiser adds.

Love vs Lust and the early phases of a relationship involve the dependence center of the brain, which can be fed by the hormones that surge through you each time you see or think about the object of your dreams,” states Michelle Archard, Romance Expert to Bustle. “If you’re always looking to get a ‘repair’ of your partner then you’re probably still in the lust phase. If you can go some time without contact and are not always considering them then you have moved into the attachment or love phase,” Archard explains.

You Believe Grounded Around Them

“Love is profound seated feeling. Enjoy is layered. When you love someone, the whole package is taken by you. You want to get to know them. Generally speaking, you will be more interested in peeling back these layers.

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“By the time love occurs, couples are usually moving in with them, purchasing a home, moving up the career ladder, and believing of children. So they have much more stress happening in their life, which helps to kill (or even slow down) lust,” explains Cath Hakanson, sex educator and founder of Sex Ed Rescue to Bustle.

You are Focused On Getting What You Want

Following is a key difference: Lust is about getting what you need (maybe some hot sex ?) , while love is much more about giving on a spouse and enduring the relationship, explains Brian Taylor, relationship & Author coach, to Bustle. Consider where your brain is and it’ll help determine whether you’re feeling lust or love.

You Don’t Feel Safe To Open Up

“Should you truly feel safe to talk about your feelings on your relationship, and you also feel accepted despite your weaknesses, it is likely love. Should you feel you either can not or do not want to share your feelings and be mentally vulnerable in your relationship, then it is likely lust,” Shirani M. Pathak, LCSW, Dating Center of Silicon Valley, states above email with Bustle.

If you discover any of these gaps popping up on your relationship, then you’ll certainly get a few signs to understand the difference. If it’s aligned with what you want, that is great. Otherwise, it’s time.


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